hang in there.

ever since forever ago, i have lovedloved going to schoool, mainly for the company of good friends and i didnt even mind our schoolwork and even wished for fummer to be shorter so i can go back to school.
but junior year is so diffeent. it's like a big tornado/huricanne/flood of stress and anxiety and depression and lacks of sleep that just hit me all of a sudden. it hurts.
this years has been so different, so many different things, all hapening, all at once.
all im looking forward to is when's the next latestart, min. day, break, or holiday.
i dont know why or even how i started going out so much and doing all those things i shouldnt be doing. even thoguh i know i have to suffer afterwards. i hate being constrained at home.
sometimes im just sitting there, watching them, and thinknig that could've been me, that should have been me.
why did it have to happen to us? it sucks. so bad.
i dont know how they dealt with it for so long. its killing me and i hate it.
i hate how they are all privilleged and everything but yet we are all the same, if not better.
first dance of the year had quite alot of dramas.
homecoming was chill. but i was surprised at those who got in trouble. so not worth it...
my gpa has been the lowest its ever been all my life. and i think i know why. yet i dont do much to change it. why?
why am i always wasting my time on the computer, going out, lying on my bed thinking about useless stuff when i should be focusing on studing?
i hate the pressure of junior year, i hate how this one year can determine your future. if it werent for my parents, i think i wouldnt even mind gonig to mt. sac.
i hate my stereotypical parents. i know they love and care,but they have no idea what kinds of things we go through.
of course, they been through our age, but peer pressure and everything else is so much more intense nowadays, they have no idea.
i'm especially thankful for my close friends this year, they have put up with my ugliness and bitchyness and everything. and viceversa, they know i would always take care of them whenever. it's these people that really keeps me going at times.
i dont even want to start talking about bio-ap, its killler. i really want to drop, and at times i was determined to drop, but then again, i really can not just drop it because of one weekend of fun. i know fersure i can do better. but these temptations...
i lovelovelove mr. kim. his class is hard but he makes it enjoyable yet educational.
sometimes i feel so stupid for going out just for the heck of it when sometimes its a failure and nothing happens but i guess just the rebellious idea of going out and going somewhere.
i think i have realzed that for some certain people, i have developed some attachments, because im just always thinking about you even though i was clear about us before.
i love making new friends, but hate losing old friends.
even though i know we are drifting apart, im not doing anything to stop it even though its sad and depressing and i know should.
but i guess its better for now?
i hate how its because
we dont have any classes together because youre in IB;(
and because you dropped bio ;(
and because you have a bf/gf
and because we dont hang out with same people.
and because of different schools
and because we just dont talk anymore.
on the other hand,
i love your kickbacks late at night to early mornings because they are always so chill with cool people.
i love talking to you because youre a beast and so entertaining.
i love hanging out with you because its relaxes me and just takes me away from this craziness.
i love having classes with you because we understand each other's cruel sufferings.
i love listening to you because you remind me so much of myself.
i relaized that there are so many pretty people out there.
even if the first glance you dont realize it, once you study their faces and features, they are so unique and goregeous, makes me jealous.
i think it's because we have looked in the morror at ourselves more than any other that we dont realize how pretty we are, because i rarely do.
i have talk about this with mel and jess countless times, when and where is our prince charming coming? why is there no potentials in walnut for us? why is it that we always attraact the wrong boys and why does it never work out?
dont get me wrong, i think there's cute boys, but they are either taken or just unreachable because i dont have the guts to go up to you and introduce myself and start talking.
im sorry, but i need someone who can make the first moves and goes for it.
why is it that i always feel lost, restless and like something is missing from me.
i seriously can not wait for senior year. please come faster.
but yet at the end, i know im gonna misss these times.
even though i hate it now.
im really normally a bubbly person and i would rarely be sad or depressed, and even if i do, i hide them with some laughs and talks so even if im havng the worse day at school, you would never know.but then i would go home, and think and rethink about it myself and i think i prefer that. im just not that type of person who would speak out their innner feelings because i feeel like i would be burdening everyone else with my shit and everyone's already got enough on their plate.


i just needed to get all this out.
hang in there guys!(:

circle-marques houston
where you belong-bobby valentino
yesterday-leona lewis
fatal-J. holiday