3 MORE DAYS

3 MORE DAYS UNTILL TRYOUTS!

mock tryouts tmrw. it's so scary going up there, dead silent...and perform.
even scarier in front of the judges on friday...smiling but you know they are criticizing you on their score sheets, and the many paretns and studetns coming to watch.

whenever i think of tryouts, it gives me butterflies and makes me weak.
i hate this feeling, of wanting something so bad but can never be sure if i can get it or not. i want it so bad, and i do have confidence but whenever i feeel like it's going to be okay, i take it back because i feel like i dont deserve to feel that confidence. how morbid and sad...

this sucks, i cant wait for it to be over. but then again, last tryouts of highschool cheer...i think we'll all look back to this time and laugh and reminisce at the times when we were alll freaking out...

but at the time now, it doesnt feel good at all. this feeling is indescribable. its harder for us cos we been through the worst, maybe not the worst, but pretty bad things. and it jsut made our views much less positive. i dont even know if this is making sense, but it makes sense to me.


i dont know if i like it or not. like sometimes i admit that i do like it and accept that fact, but other time i realize i shouldnt like it and convince myself that i really dont like it, and its jsut a phase of postafter effect. however, i've come to the conclusion that i do like it, kina maybe...and its bad. i cant, because i know it wont work and its not working and it sucks. but again, when i like it, i like it alot and its hard to stop. and i jsut cant stop thinknig about it. which is a sign of me liking it.
hahahahah fuckme, not again... :/





(:
http://shine.yahoo.com/event/makeover/101-small-pleasures-you-can-enjoy-every-day-1125425/